I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
