Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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