Only a mothe r could love this liver
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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