Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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