The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
