we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
