This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
