I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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