I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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