It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dicks are not precious.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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