she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
