thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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