Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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