she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
