I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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