Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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