I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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