We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
