remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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