all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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