You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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