she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
