were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
