In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
