It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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