508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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