If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
