well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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