How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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