between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
