I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
