It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
