Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
