plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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