so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
