On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
