About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
