i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
