matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
