I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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