So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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