He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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