Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just found puke in my bra..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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