Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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