i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize