why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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