Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
