Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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