I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Please don't give away my fajitas
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
