I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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