I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
