Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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