All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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