My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
