Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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