i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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