a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
