I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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