why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
