He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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