My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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