my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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