Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.