i already hear my dad disowning me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?