downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.