i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.