so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT