Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
