You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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