I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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