I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
