I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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