i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
