the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
