so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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