I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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