@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We left an ass print on the piano.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
