last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
